marți, 18 iulie 2017

Forever and...?

Hello. It's been a while, huh?

I believe you've been longing to read something written by yours truly. I couldn't just write my feelings away. I just couldn't do it. It's been hard and all this time you must've thought that I've forgotten about you. I haven't. Impossible. How could I forget the one person who makes me laugh and love unconditionally? You might know what's on my mind. The sheer feeling of losing something important. I am scared of leaving, yet I know it's the best thing to do and then I get scared again and that nauseating pain in my stomach comes again with the fear.
I love you so much, though. So much that it hurts when I know there are people better than me, more suitable for you. I know you're shaking your head as you read this, but I must let you know, dear, I don't deserve you. I've been continuously bragging and mumbling about pains, love, lectures, friendships, love again and again and yet again. I am not the one to easily forget anything, so bare with me for a while, for I have some things to say.

I am crazy, but I love you. I do stupid things, like texting a certain someone which stole a piece of me long ago. I am jealous, but I love you still. I go insane for a while.. but I love you.

I'm holding on for dear life to the feeling that you believe me. I need you to believe (in) me. YOU are one of the best gifts God has blessed me with. The light of your soul shines through the mask which is the loveliest smile in the world, that of an angel that keeps me sane. We are sometimes lost, fools, let's face it, no one's perfect but the Lord, but together we are stronger everyday. Listen to me: it's going to be hard and we're gonna fight something terrible, but every single time we do so, come back to this message and know that no matter what, I will always say "FOREVER". I am your Forever and you are my Always. There is no one like you. I will write again the message you so dearly appreciated:

"Are you from Tennessee? Cause you're the only ten I see!! PHAAA ( laugh now )

I'm writing my heart out yet again. Although you've been more active with the girls (leaving comments on their pics), I know you've felt unloved for a while... I did too. I haven't been myself lately, especially today... well, I've learnt to hate today for obvious reasons.

We both do things that hurt and we're both stubborn, but I LOVE YOU!
I love you when you're acting silly.
I love you when you're sad.
I love you when you're smiling.
I even love you when you're an annoying B.
I love you when we're on the phone and none of us is talking.
I love you despite the bruises.
I love you because you're the ray of sunshine that I need everyday.
I love you when we're finishing each others' sentences.
I love how your eyes shine when you look at me.
I love to annoy you and you make funny gestures and noises like you'd love to strangle me. -my favourite.
I love it when you're jealous.
I love your voice.
I love every print screen which you so very much despise.
I love everything about you and I know you love me too."

There it was.

You are so important to me.. You make me a better person, or at least you're trying to. I've told you before: I am broken. So much stress, so much fear of losing myself among things that compose the symphony of life. I'm a Blanche DuBois of our times, no joke. I need guidance and patience. Please, understand that sacrifices need be made, never though it'd be easy. I can only ask you not to deprive me of your love. Don't let me let you go, ever.
Remember, when you're sad, I am here, in my writings and Forever in your haven, Always.

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